"Once I get this thing done, then things will be better."
When we struggle to manage competing priorities, the logical thing to do is to tick things off our to-do list so we can create more space. For many of us, this habit works up to a certain point. But as our roles become more complex, the nature of the challenges also changes. The to-do's are no longer just tasks to complete. They become relationships to manage, politics to navigate, and competing decisions to make.
One of my clients, a senior leader managing multiple teams, reached out to me during a prolonged period of overwhelm. She was facing several urgent priorities, team conflicts, and challenging business results. For months, she had tried to become more effective by putting in longer hours and working weekends.
"Everyone depends on me." The sense of responsibility was a huge weight on her shoulders.
During our sessions we explored the physical manifestations of the overwhelm. My client experienced tension in the abdomen. Despite regular massages, practicing yoga and focusing on sleep quality, the tension balled up in her stomach was there every morning she woke up. As she spoke about this ball in her stomach, I noticed there was an underlying fear.
The real issue wasn't the workload. It was the fear of disappointing others - of not being 'good enough'.
This is a pattern I often see in coaching. There are many reasons that can lead to someone experiencing overwhelm. Nearly all of us have beliefs about what is needed in order to be recognized as successful, valued or worthy. Many of us carry an unspoken contract with ourselves: if I work hard enough and don't let people down, then I will be valued.
These beliefs often serve us well and contribute to our success. But as responsibilities increase, the standards we set for ourselves can become increasingly difficult to sustain. What once helped us move forward can eventually become a source of pressure and anxiety.
In his book Leader as Healer, Nicholas Janni describes how many leaders operate from a narrow band of attention, focusing primarily on thinking and doing while becoming disconnected from other sources of information, including bodily sensations and emotions.
In my client's case, the tension in her stomach was carrying important information long before she was consciously aware of the fear underneath it.
In our coaching work together we started with creating awareness. Rather than immediately looking for solutions, we took the time to observe what was happening in her body, her thoughts, and her emotions. We became curious about the tension, the fear, and the beliefs driving her behavior.
By understanding her current perspective and the impact on body and mind, she was able to consciously decide whether those patterns were still serving her. We explored what it might feel like to operate without the constant fear of disappointing others. What opportunities and possibilities might exist on the other side of that fear?
As this awareness grew, so did her sense of agency. Awareness alone does not create change, but without awareness, change is almost impossible. Once my client could see the fear clearly - both in her thoughts and in her body - she gained the ability to choose how she wanted to respond. Rather than reacting automatically from old habits and beliefs, she could begin making conscious decisions about how she wanted to show up.
Together, we identified small challenges to create more space in her life, even if it meant risking disappointment. Canceling a project. Saying no to a request from a key stakeholder. Leaving work at a reasonable hour.
These small wins helped her gradually rewire old thinking patterns. She discovered that she could remain committed and effective without carrying the weight of the ball in her stomach - of her fear. The emotional attachment to the fear of not being good enough lessened.
The complexity of her role did not decrease. The workload remained. But how she stood in relation to it was so much lighter.
In my coaching approach, I guide clients through four interconnected stages: Awareness, Agency, Purpose, and Alignment.
Awareness is the ability to fully understand the present moment. Not just our thoughts and beliefs, but also the signals our body is constantly sending us.
Agency is the ability to choose and act consciously, rather than react from habit or instinct. We all have established ways of working and doing things, but how often do we stop to ask whether those habits are still serving us?
Purpose is about discovering, or remembering, what is important. Why do we do what we do? What impact do we want to have on others and on the world around us?
Alignment is about acting in accordance with that purpose. It is about making choices that reflect who we want to be, even when those choices feel uncomfortable.
As a coach, I support my clients in becoming aware of the patterns that shape their lives, reconnecting with their own agency, and stepping into a more purposeful and aligned version of themselves.
If this situation resonates with you, I invite you to pause and consider: What signals from your body might you be ignoring?